there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
