so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
