dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
