hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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