I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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