I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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