Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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