By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
