Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
