what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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