I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
