This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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