Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
