It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
