Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
