Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm passing your future prison.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
