I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
barbara walters just said penis...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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