Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
