I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
