she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
