i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
