Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
