I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
