You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
