goodnight i made you a song goodbye
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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