ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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