life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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