I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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