should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
