What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize