well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
