I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
