So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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