LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
