and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
