they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
