Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
