You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
