I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
