you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
