my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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