sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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