brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
