Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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