If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
