I want to walk on stilts...naked
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
