Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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