The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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