I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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