Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
