went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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