jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
