Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
