What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize