if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
