Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
