Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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