dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
