I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
