New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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