I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
