Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
