apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
