i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
