She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
