I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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